Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Ultimate Hostess Workout (Winter Edition)

Are you working 60 hours a week hanging coats and smiling until your cheeks hurt? Are you lacking the time and money to spend on a gym membership? If so, this is the workout for you.

For best results: wear (at least) 3" heels, work in a restaurant with multiple floors, and have co-workers that don't hustle.

  • Warm Up:
    • Sit on a backless chair (ex. bar stool) to make confirmation calls, forcing core stabilization to maintain posture.
    • Stretch out arms reaching for the hole puncher, pens, and the continually ringing second phone line that everyone else refuses to answer. Repeat 50 times.
    • Jog up and down two flights of stairs with two to-go bags full of clean towels to restock the bathrooms. Repeat three times per restroom.
    • Jump up onto the bar, rewrite the chalkboard, jump down off of the bar. Get that heart rate pumping! Repeat as mistakes in the menu are found throughout the morning and as Management decides the wine boards need tweaking.
  • Workout:
    • Complete two laps around the restaurant per server per table sat.
    • After lifting three 10 lb. coats onto one hanger, lift above head and hook onto coat rack. Repeat approx. 100 times.
    • Per every five hangers, use body to push coats closer together (to make room for more furs). Tighten up biceps and triceps for accelerated results.
    • Run up and down main stairs and kitchen stairs twice per half hour (for status check and bathroom check). Complete seven sets.
    • Carry six trays of dirty dishes while bussers watch you do their job.
  • Cool Down:
    • Drag two 15 lb. bags of dirty linen across the length of the restaurant to the linen closet.
    • Return coats - be sure to keep arm muscles tense.
    • Return to bar stool, tightening core, and enter in guest notes for the evening.
    • Triumphantly throw heels on the floor, walk over to the bar, and bat eyelashes for a glass of wine.
Congratulations! You've just experienced my life.

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